Civic Participation and Community Action Sourcebook

Section Four

Saying What is True: Women Speak Out Against Domestic Violence

by Judy Hofer

It was when a teacher spoke out about her background with poverty and abuse that the GED students at the Literacy Project in western Massachusetts began to speak about their own experiences with abuse. For many of these women, it was their first time voicing the words that had been held inside for so long. They decided to form a support group at their center to have a place to meet, drink coffee, tell jokes, share their stories, and support and listen to one another. They wanted to know how it is that violence can become so commonplace that it is normalized. Or, as one woman put it, “We want to make sense of what happened in our lives and figure out how so many women shared the same experience.” A core group of six women met almost every Wednesday morning for an entire year. For one woman in particular, these were the only friends she had and her only chance to socialize.

On several occasions the women went on full day retreats to piece together an understanding of some of their very difficult questions about domestic violence. They told their own stories about their first memories of being a girl, of what they did with their anger, of a time they took a stand as a woman. They analyzed the common threads in their experiences and probed to understand the root causes of such violence. They heard the pain; they saw each others’ strength.

These women learned that, in fact, they are not alone. They realized that the question to ask is not “Why do women stay?” but “Why do men abuse?” They saw in each others’ stories that they were not merely passively accepting the violence but were actively struggling to find a way out. As a way to lighten the intensity of their experiences and simply to celebrate who they are, the women made T-shirts with flowers that said, “Together We Bloom.” They wore these with pride.

One of the more difficult experiences for this group was learning to express their feelings to one another when they disagreed. It was hard to push each other to say what is true. They had to make new groundrules to challenge one another to get out of denial. They had to tell one of the women that they were concerned that she is taking her anger out on her kids.

After their first year together, this group decided to make a video documenting their experiences with and understanding of violence. As one woman said, “We were talked out and it was time to take action.” They wanted to inspire other women who are afraid to speak out to take a stand and hoped to influence those in positions of power to hold the abuser accountable for his actions. They decided to make a video, rather than write a book, because talking is what they have been doing and felt most comfortable with. In their words: “We want to make a video. We want to make it easier for women to have a voice and to have power and to be listened to, to change the way that it is now ... We also want to teach women: if we can’t change systems of power, then at least we can give women the strength to speak up — the women at the bottom. Even though the systems may not change, we want the women to have the strength to speak up.”

It took them close to a year to actually make the video. They received technical training from the local cable access TV channel on how to produce a video and create storyboards. Their back room was plastered with newsprint as the women tried to find the themes in their experiences.

They decided on three central ideas for the video: the normalization of violence against women; a critique of why women stay in abusive relationships; and reflections on their own learning and recommendations for others.

Some of the women were trained to be women’s advocates by a university-based women’s organization doing outreach in their town. These women brought back to the group statistics and models for understanding domestic violence. With their experiences, analysis, and research, they slowly created the body for the video.

Their efforts culminated in a wonderful day at the TV station in which the women powerfully recounted their stories and shared their understanding. There was something magical about that day – the energy felt larger than life. They think it had to do with a number of things: the power of having the cameras and crew surrounding them as their witnesses; the power of speaking out to an audience when to date they had only done so to themselves; the power of doing, of sharing with the intention of making a difference for others; and the pride they felt in having accomplished such a monumental task. Little did they realize that they then had to spend countless hours editing and trying to agree on what they wanted to cut or leave in for their final product. In the beginning, they tended to agree with each other, but by the end they had developed their inner voice and had strong opinions about editing. It was not easy to come to consensus and learn to compromise.

As the women reflected, “When you’re in the tunnel and alone, you don’t see the light. But when you have the support of others, the light is there. It’s together that we are strong, and it’s together that we can make a difference. Together we bloom.”

Judy Hofer has worked in adult education for several years as an instructor, program coordinator, researcher, and staff developer.

This article is a composite of a report to the National Institute for Literacy and an article from Bright Ideas, Spring 1999, Vol. 8, No.4.

Because the video is emotionally difficult and uses strong language, the women created an accompanying guide for teachers to read before viewing and showing the video. Both the video Together We Bloom: Women Speaking Out Against Domestic Violence and Video Guide can be ordered for $29.95 (plus shipping and handling).

In Massachusetts from:
The Literacy Project, Inc. 277 Main Street, 3rd Floor P.O. Box 1461 Greenfield, MA 01302-3934 (413) 774-3934
Outside Massachusetts from:
New Readers Press U.S. Publishing Division of Laubach P.O. Box 888 Syracuse, NY 13210-0888 (800) 448-8878

One dollar from the sale of each guide and video will go to a fund for women at The Literacy Project to support their educational goals.
Note: The materials developed by The Literacy Project are very useful in facilitating discussions about and plans for action around domestic violence issues, but are not necessarily to be used to initiate such discussions. To learn more about utilizing materials that touch on difficult subjects, please see Making Connections: Literacy and EAL from a Feminist Perspective (Toronto: Canadian Congress for Learning Opportunities for Women, 1996).

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